it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
