What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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