filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
