So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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