Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
