none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
