girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
