i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
