apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
