Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
