I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
