...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
