How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
