I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
