don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
