She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
