If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
