I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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