nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
