Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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