shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
