Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
