I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
