yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
