do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
