i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
