Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
