Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
