Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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