I didn't shave. On purpose
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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