I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
