This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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