I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
