Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
