he told me I talked like a deaf person
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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