Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
