I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
