We're facebook friends in real life
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
