the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
