dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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