tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what day is it and did you see me today?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
