Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
