my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
