I'm really into asian looking animals
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Randomize
