I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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