Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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