Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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