If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
