yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
