If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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