who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
