I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
